Less Is More

An editor’s job is more than just being a spell-checker or grammar guru with a pulse.  The editor's task is to help writers say more in fewer words, to say it more clearly, to say it with greater voice and verve. Certainly, you need to catch contradictions, fact errors, misspelled words and run-on sentences, but you also want to make sure the story focuses on the most important angle and then communicates the essential information with style.

So, start by reading the following drafts in Sample A. Note how each lead is tighter, more focused, more specific than the one before.

The pageant received a lot of strong support from local members of the community.

13 words but wordy, redundant and vague. Community members are local. What constitutes “a lot of”? What do you mean by “strong” support? How "strong" is "strong?"

The beauty pageant for special education kids received considerable support from the community.

13 words. Tighter. More information. Still needs work. When possible, avoid prepositional phrase. "Received support from the community..." as opposed to "received considerable community support."

Local businesses donated $6,000 to support the special education beauty pageant.

12 words. Much tighter. Specific details. How much is "considerable?" It's $6,000.

Sample B

Even though a proposal to increase the number of hours students will be required to devote to community service from three to five per week was met with concerns from athletic coaches and other sponsors of after-school activities as well as from students with part-time jobs, the school board met and decided 6-3 to vote yes on the proposal.

What’s the problem? First, The noun “school board” is buried beneath an impossible-to-follow introductory phrase. Think it through. What happened? Why?

Second, it’s redundant. If the board voted, it probably met. If it voted, it “decided” to vote. If the majority of the board members voted yes, then the board approved it.

Also, if the policy change was made, and no person or entity other than the school board possessed the power to make such a change, then it’s unnecessary to say the board changed it. Just begin by explaining the significance of the change. Here are three leads.

WHAT HAPPENED? — Despite objections it would conflict with part-time jobs, sports practices and other after-school activities, community service requirements were increased from three to five hours per week.

SO WHAT THAT IT HAPPENED? — Students in after-school activities or with part-time jobs were forced to re-wire their schedules after community service requirements were hiked from three to five hours per week.

WHO IS AFFECTED? DOES THIS PERSON REPRESENT A GROUP? — Senior Malik Carter said he enjoys community service. For the past two years, he’s volunteered at food shelters and day care centers and assisted living communities. The problem was, when to squeeze it in? He had football practice and games, and he often worked an hour or two for his dad’s lawn service, and, of course, he had homework. So, the decision to hike the weekly community services requirement from four to six hours didn’t put him in a particularly generous mood.

“I don’t mind giving back to the community, but let’s get real here,” Malik said. “I need more time to squeeze in the things I got to get done, and I could use just a little time for myself.”